Man to Godzilla

stop being so delicious.

Past hour has involved me eating the following:

• Two uncrustables
• Three Cadbury Creme eggs
• Five slices of Kraft American cheese
• Four oranges
• An entire bag of baby carrots
• Four donuts
• Two sandwiches (Turkey, corned beef, bologna, cheese, other things)
• A bag of chip mix (regular, cheddar, pretzels) all doused in sriracha
• A gallon of water
• Four cups of greek Yogurt
• half a bag of Starburst Jelly Beans
• One Onion roll
• Two gala apples, one granny smith
• Bowl of Frosted Toast Crunch

Seriously stomach, stoppit.

Just ran out of my Sriracha.  After I made a chili smoothie. Because my jaw refuses to open more than an inch which is what I assume is it’s way of telling me to go to bed.

this is the worst day ever.

Steaks McGee was his name; boxing was his game. Steaks grew weary of eggs and bacon flapjacks from his darling wife Patricia, so he set out to find a better food that could be enjoyed all day around.

Journeying into the forbidden land of “Canada” at the time, Steaks came across the odd mating ritual of Paul Bunyon’s big blue ox with the Holstein Heifer. Never a man to back down from a challenge because he was a man, Steaks challenged the blue ox to fisticuffs and came out on top. As a married man who took his vows seriously, instead of banging the Heifer to shame the ox, he killed her with a well placed punch In the side and skinned her to make a dress for his wife and a suit for his friend, Chairman Kaga.

Deciding to give her a Viking funeral, Steaks kit the body ablaze and found the aroma quite satisfying, mainly from the area his manly fists deatherized (tenderized with a death blow.) And named the new delicacy after himself.

He took a thousand pounds home on his manly shoulders and buried the rest in Canada before freezing it over; hiring a bunch of hooligans and a bear to watch over it, inventing hockey in the process.

The rest is history.